Adventures in antiquing
Earlier today, Nick and I took off for a small town near Kansas City that is well-known for its antique shops. We were on the prowl for some cool robot parts, hoping to find the motherlode there.

We pulled into the little town and found their Main Street. What first met the eye looked very promising. We cruised down the street looking for a parking spot, when all of a sudden an old white Bronco came speeding out of nowhere and almost hit us. Dust was flying and it was very dramatic. The Bronco parked, and as we pulled beside it I peered in to see what this lunatic looked like, half-expecting to see O.J. Instead, it was a toothless, angry-looking teenage girl. Interesting observation, but we shrugged it off and went on.

We parked and headed to the first antique store, aptly named Old Geezer's Antiques. It immediately smelled like old people as soon as we stepped in the door. There was an old man, Old Geezer himself I presumed, spreading grape jam on a piece of bread while practically yelling into his telephone, having a rousing conversation with a friend. As soon as he saw us, he yelled to his pal on the other end of the line, "A pretty little girl just walked in here with an ugly guy. Just as cute as a bug, she is." Nick and I shared a bit of uncomfortable laughter and some frightened looks and continued browsing. We made a lap around the store and came back to the front where Mr. Creepy remained.

Old Geezer said again to his friend, "Hey, I'd better go now because the pretty little girl is back and I want to look in her eyes for a bit." Umm, yeah, WEIRD-O. I only wish I was making this crap up.

I made sure not to make eye contact with the old man, and Nick and I headed straight to the door. That's when Old Geezer decided to strike up a conversation, again talking about my looks and asking if Nick told me this morning how beautiful I was. Then he wanted to know if I told Nick this morning that he was pretty. "Yeah, I bet you did. Pretty... UGLY! Haw haw haw." The conversation with the creepy guy who wanted to look in my eyes droned on, and we shot out of that store as quick as we could. Talk about unnerving.

One of our next stops was a run-down hardware store with very intriguing crappy window displays. We walked in and immediately realized this was not a place for us. There was a very strange man running it, who didn't seem like he was quite all there, if you know what I mean. The aisles had so much crap lining them that there was only about a foot of room to walk, if even that. There were dusty boxes of lightbulbs, extension cords and tools everywhere that looked like they had been there since the 70s. The man asked us if we needed anything when we first stepped in, and we told him we were just there to browse. He followed us everywhere we went, standing at the end of the aisle staring at us as we looked. It was so incredibly weird that we turned around, thanked him and said we were leaving.

"But have you seen these solar-powered butterflies that go in your garden?" He held up this plastic butterfly on a stick that flashed red lights. We said we didn't have a garden but that they were lovely and headed for the door. "What about these bubble lights that go in your bathroom?" Cool, but no thanks. "What about these flashlights?" Yeah, we gotta go.

The next store we went into was an ice cream parlor, candy shop and antique store in one. A woman offered us a free taste of fudge as soon as she saw us. Another girl who was wiping off tables piped in, saying it was the best fudge ever. She turned around, and we saw that she was the toothless teen from the Bronco incident. So we meet again.

We felt like we had stepped into the Twilight Zone when we entered that creepy little town. I feared for my life a few too many times, making our relaxing and fun trip to find robot parts a total bust. Nick and I felt like we had enough weirdness for one day, so we took our three tiny insignificant purchases with us and left. What a let-down.

We then went back to Kansas City to hit up our favorite 4-story antique store, where we walked out with armloads. Guess you just shouldn't mess with a good thing.

On a related note, on our way to our fave antique store in Kansas City, we were following behind a couple on a motorcycle. It was nothing out of the ordinary until the woman on the back of the bike pulled out a book and started reading. Have you ever seen anyone read a book on a motorcycle? Doesn't she have to like hold on for dear life or something? And how did she keep her pages from flapping everywhere?


Blogger Carrisa said...

What a funny story. Yes you should stay away from Creepytown from now on. And I can't imagine reading a book on a motorcycle. How hard that must be. But I guess better her than the driver.

p.s. Nick you look dashing today!

Blogger Abbie said...

lol, glad you guys came out alive before you got initiated!
Reading on a motorcycle? That's trust! He must be one heck of a rider for her not to need to hold on for her life.

Anonymous katie said...

Wow that sounds like an interesting trip. I can't believe you didn't pick up any of the solar-powered butterflies :o)

That's enough excitement for a month!

Blogger L Sass said...

That seems like a weird movie town, full of creepy strange people--don't go back!!!

Blogger Michelle said...

glad you guys came out alive!

and i can't even read when i'm the passenger in a CAR. can't imagine reading on a motorcycle!

Blogger Lindsey said...

Holy crap. I think I would have freaked out. Never go back to that town again...there is way too much weirdness in Kansas!

I'm glad you found cool stuff at your stand by shop!

Blogger heidikins said...

Classic stories on antiquing...

However, while I was driving to Vegas last week we passed a group of about 15 bikes, some with little trailers, some with 3 wheels, most with 2 passangers. There was a woman reading a book and another on was knitting... seriously. It was hilarious! Full on black-leather and bandana clad women with books or knitting needles... awesome.


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