Sweet smell of success
Is it just me, or is telling the microwave to nuke something at 50% power just way too confusing? I think today is the first day I have successfully mastered this task, and believe me, I have tried many times before. I've also made my lunch crusty and inedible too many times to count because I've just given up on the whole half-power ordeal.

I believe the secret to half-power nuking lies neither in your intelligence level nor your supposed expertise with technology. It lies in how many different combinations of button-pushing you are willing to try, before getting really embarrassed that your coworkers hear 714 different beeps coming from the galley and think you are a total idiot with no clue how to use a microwave.

A lesser person might have just googled "Panasonic 1250W High Power" and read up on operating instructions. But I will not give up like that without a fight. Instead, whenever I have a meal that requires 50% power, I try a different combination of button-pushing that would make even MacGyver's head spin. I actually should have started a notebook where I could record my various processes for future reference, testing and retesting until I found the right combination. That would have made the most sense, of course. But I attempted to keep it all straight in my head, without much success.

Until today, when I hit the jackpot. Without further ado, I give you the instructions for microwaving a meal at 50% power. (You'll probably want to take notes.)

  1. Clear your throat not once, but twice, quickly.

  2. Open your meal from the top left corner of the box.

  3. Pull the plastic back slowly and methodically about 1.25 inches from the right side. This is a crucial step so you may want to take a ruler to the microwave area with you.

  4. Tap your left foot three times on the floor directly in front of the microwave.

  5. Spin around once with the meal still in your hands.

  6. Open the microwave door, shut it and open it again.

  7. Place your meal in the very center of the circular spinning apparatus. It must be evenly centered or it will throw the whole process off.

  8. Quickly close the door so that as little air as possible escapes the microwave enclosure.

  9. Press the power level button five times, in rapid concession.

  10. Enter your cooking time and press start.

  11. Completely leave the premises of the microwave area and let it do its work privately. It doesn't hurt to keep your fingers crossed, on your left hand only.

So there you have it. Give this a try next time you need to nuke something at half-power and let me know how it goes. Further testing is most definitely needed, so I appreciate your feedback.


Blogger Nick said...

I have the same issue at my office. I have to do two spins though.
Our microwave does not even allow for the changing of power. Sometimes I think the microwave is just unwilling to compromise.

Blogger Dawnie said...

YES! And it's different on every freaking microwave. Heck, it took me two years before I was able to get my HOME microwave to nuke at 50% power. I haven't event tried the work microwave yet - I just plan all of my lunches to be nukeable on full blast.

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