Hate mail
Dear iPod,

Do you remember a few days ago when we were working out together and you decided to jump off of your nice, spacious ledge onto the moving treadmill? I didn't find that nearly as amusing as the rest of the gym-goers. Of course you went flying across the room, and I had to turn off the treadmill with the earphones still dangling from my ears and retrieve you. It was downright embarrassing. So thank you for that.

I'm planning to work out again tonight, and I expect much better behavior out of you. We've had a lot of great times together, so please don't make me replace you with a sleeker model with more capacity. And seriously, if you don't like my music selections, just air those grievances with me rather than attempt to plummet to your death. I think we can work through this.

Your friend,

Dear Work Keys,

This little game of hide and seek is not fun for me. I pretty much need you to get anywhere in my building, as the elevator buttons are locked without you. When I showed up to work early yesterday morning and you were nowhere to be found, I panicked a bit. You see, I was EARLY, as in, HERE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS KEYS ON HIS OR HER PERSON who would be so kind as to key me onto my floor.

Luckily for you, I found a nice security guard who helped me out. Also luckily for you, said security guard recognized me and didn't think that I was some weirdo trying to get access to the floor to steal the computers or wipe out all of the Halloween candy sitting on the front desk.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I certainly hope it's the last, though. From now on, I expect you to stay within my line of vision at all times. Please don't make me get one of those coil bracelet keychain things because they really aren't that stylish and I'd rather not have to be attached to you and your annoying jingly noises all day.

Much love,

Dear Road Construction,

I hate you. Hate hate hate hate hate. You popped up out of nowhere at least two months ago without any warning whatsoever. And you will. not. leave. You forced me to take a detour, which is slow and out of the way. Honestly, I can't stand the sight of you. Please take your cones and your flashy road closed sign and go as far away from me as possible.

Hugs and kisses,

P.S. The quicker, the better. Because I really, REALLY hate you. Really.


Anonymous Isabel said...

Stupid iPod. (Except that I'm still planning to get one in a few weeks!)

Stupid work keys. Please, please don't get one of those coil keychains. Please.

Stupid construction.

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